What to expect from a marriage with a foreigner

20.08.2018 11:32

Our Expert is Galina Bitner-Schroeder. She is certified Life and Business Coach, psychologist, owner of the European elite Marriage Agency, consultant on dating with foreigners, life in international marriage, integration and adaptation. Our question: What to expect from a marriage with a foreigner and what woman should be ready for when she changes location and stays among the another mentality in order to avoid disappointment and not be deceived in expectations. Answer. This is a very important topic. Due to the fact that we have a certain mental habit of building and doing everything carelessly We hope for the best and it is the right way but quite often everything is based on illusions. I do help our women to get married foreigners and it means that I get feedback:

how to build a partnership,
whether family relationship go right or wrong?
what difficulties, what happy moments, what good and not so good things happen to my clients. It’s reasonable, especially, if you count that a lot of my women-clients live close to me. Some of them half an hour apart me.

5 times I baptized children who were born in marriages organized by me. As you can see, I hold contacts with my clients. I know when, where and what problems occur. After all, sorrow lets to know about itself unlike happiness. And if something happens in woman’s life she always needs to share it with somebody. And whom can they share with? Of course with me) And by the way, it’s an important thing as well. Women dislike to complain and tell their problems to theirs family and friends from Ukraine . There are lots of reasons. There are lots of problems in Europe as well. But these are problems of another level. And people living in Ukraine can’t release them. Secondly. When a woman tells someone about these problems then very often she can hear the answer “You just have so much that don’t know where put yourself. You live there and do complain.” Since the basic problems are solved. And let’s be honest, the struggle for survival continues in the post-Soviet countries of 85 -90% After all, everyone sees problems from his point of view and takes the situation by his own experience. Sometimes it doesn’t work for good. Personally when I got married a foreigner I lost 60% of my girl-friends. They just could not see me happy. There is another life another quality of life. And you have to prepare yourself for it beforehand. I would recommend you to do your first step in such way. And they have to get it that it’s not just desirable but necessarily. Since this approach helps to adapt in a new country, new situation, new life. We have to realise that women here long enough will not have her own society. It’s difficult to give an advice, help, cry out, tell. Emigration is a tough thing and no one has yet managed to go through adaptation process without a certain “crush”. But how strong it will be depends on preliminary preparation. So everything is in the women’s personal interests! What a woman should be ready for? First of all and the most important, women should be prepared particularly to marriage. I have been working with women for 14 years. And I have realized that without psychological preparation everything is much more complicated. Quite long time I have not worked with women who do not want to do this. If they say that they know everything then I recall them that even Socrates said that “I know that I know nothing.” If you are more clever than Socrates, then what can I do for you? I just wish them to be happy. That is how can your cup be filled if it is already full I often hear the words : «I was several times abroad, I spent 3 months there…». What can I say to this? Oh my God!! I’m married for 15 years and I have not understood everything yet. There are still different curious moments in the relationship with my husband. We have the difference in mentality, the life experience and values. And it will be never 100% the same, especially, in marriage with foreigners. Therefore, you need to understand that you have to prepare for marriage. And these expectations…You know, there is a problem in both dating and matchmaking agencies, which is called “selling happiness.” It’s not entirely correct to sell “happiness.” A woman should clearly understand what her real future should look like and strive for happiness, but also understand what difficulties she can face with. Why such kind of sales are always successful? Yes, because women want to get happiness, peacefulness, solve their moral and material problems at the expense of a male foreigner. They are not ready to get married. I spoke at the conference that everyone comes into a relationship to be happy themselves but do not come there to make someone happy There is de facto and de jure. Listening to them it seems they are ready but in fact they are not. By the way the problem occured after trainings for woman. Women’s trainings, which are held in the territory of the post-Soviet space to raise self-estimation, etc … They are needed because we have been humiliated too long. But the result of these trainings is that the woman imagines that she wants one, the fifth, the tenth … She sits like a queen and guided by the slogan: “I deserve this!”. Of course you deserve. But believe that a man deserves as well. And it is very important to realise the fact for future happiness together. Women should understand that people get marriage not to solve only their own problems. Marriage is always a compromise. There is always occurs necessity to give a way. Five steps you did and 5 steps your partner did. Who did not come to these 5 steps will not be in marriage and have relationship. Women hope that everything will be resolved by itself. There will be a click and everything will be ok. The most important thing is that women getting marriage with a foreigner have to understand where you are at the moment (some A position), where you are ready to come (B position) and what you want to get there. And if you clearly know what are you waiting for in the B position then you have to realise what you can give in return. Violation of the universal law of balance has not yet been canceled. To be continued…