Dangers, risks, disappointments in marriage with a foreigner
Our Expert is Galina Bitner-Schroeder. She is certified Life and Business Coach, psychologist, owner of the European Elite Marriage Agency, dating and international marriage consultant.
What difficulties, dangers, risks, disappointments can meet a woman if she is married with a European man.
Risk to make mistakes in understanding and choosing men. Women who get married a foreigner are very difficult to return back if the marriage did not work out. But there is such thing in international dating as professional husbands, and professional fiance. It’s just trouble.!
They travel to different cities of the post-Soviet space countries. They meet live a few women on sites. They willingly meet and spend time with different women.I know these kind of men personally. And what’s the worst… Do you think they have any feelings for at least one of them? No. They are proud of it. They are not embarrassed that they use and deceive women.
One of them boasts: – «So I have in Odessa, Tula … And what a big deal about this! Everyone knows that there are not enough men. And I go with these ladies on vacation, I give them gifts, ” – etc.
Meanwhile, he has a woman in Germany as well. And the most surprising thing is that he is a psychologist, doctor of psychological sciences. By the way, I owe him by my happiness.Once he told my husband to look for a wife in Ukraine. You will find everything you want.
So, he is a professional fiance.He will marry neither the first one, nor the second, third, fourth …But he goes there gives gifts but women hope.
Many of our women can’t easily to break such a relationship. Being not loved so much we easily fall in love when there is a man in our life. And we can listen to nobody – «Оh! It can happen to anyone, but not with me. Everything will be different for me».
No! It is not true! The biggest mistake of women is to think that his attitude will be different to her. The biggest mistake of men is to think that women will not leave him. Therefore, women should notice the way the man behaves, turning on filters, so to say. You can’t do it by yourself. To do this you have be trained by psychologists in order to get rid of your mistakes. Each and every person lives by a pattern. It is similar from presidents and kings to homeless people. So our psyche is arranged. And if you made some mistake you will do the same “lovely” one communicating with a foreigner.
You must also understand the next point.
Learn properly evaluate a European man. Europeans can not be perceived by standards of our post-Soviet space. Everything from the professional level to the assessment of everyday life. So some women say – «Oh! He does not even have his own house!»
I can say that some wealthy people live in rented apartment. Because today he works in one city, tomorrow in another, the day after tomorrow in the third place. My husband for 15 years of our life together worked in 6 cities.This is specific of the company he works for. The main thing for European men is work but not having his own place. We lived in a rented apartment. Now we have our own house. Assessing system of a man material level must be based on the realities of his life but not on your perception of this life …
And there is another point. I had one client who proved herself a business lady. But coming to Germany listening to tourists which she met in aircraft she stood at not very good hotel in order to save money. Man was called, named the address and he had to come and take her out. The man said
– «Oh! Such a hotel … In such a place … A business lady in such a hotel never stops»
That’s it! Didn’t go, didn’t want to! This is all about that don’t bring your habits coming to place with another mentality. You will not reach a lot providing your ideas what is good and what is not good. There are their standards and their perception of being in here. And no one has held a cultural revolution yet, and in the close future it is not expected!
And:
– «Oh! Meeting me he did not give me flowers!»
Yes, European men do not meet with flowers! Yes it happens, but more often when he knows what our women expect from him. And why knows? He was trained or he already had a certain experience of dating with Ukrainian women
You have to understand that a man who several times visited Ukraine and who has never been there it’s two huge differences. Men change dramatically after they have visited Ukraine. For a simple reason. Because we have a lot of women who think that they having unearthly beauty and just everyday “delights” like enchanting sex will receive everything and immediately. Dreaming …
It is necessary to assess men correctly. You have to get rid of stereotypes correctly. You have to understand how they behave … I say
– «Ladies, do not save money on yourself before.»
Because a woman who saves on herself causes a desire to save on her. Try to invest in yourself and find a decent man …
Yes, everyone has a price. Of course, I will not give service whole Ukraine. In fact, I work with dozens a year. But you need to take every chance. Everyone has failures, and I have them too. Unsuccessful customer, unsuccessful experience. There are no guarantees at all on anything in this world!
We can not guarantee, we can not know what will be a result of our efforts. I always say yes, I will bring you men. I will really do it. But this is not a guarantee that these all, for example, 20 men will fall in love with you. You need to join the stream, do your best. Dating agencies do help. But you need to pay for everything in this world: by time, money, energy. While you didn’t pay for it you will not get it… You always need to pay: either before or after. And how much and when is it a decision of the heavenly chancery
Our women have to realise that the God has not another hands except of her own. If you think that dating agencies will come and solve all problems, so “Ha! You’re dreaming” as Zadornov said
A successful acquaintance is not a guarantee of a successful marriage. Successful marriage is not a guarantee of a successful family life.A happy family life is not a guarantee that you will adapt in this country.
And if women will not be getting ready to … The results will be more disappointing than happiness. Quite often everything turned out well, but then the second part of the “Marlezon Ballet” begins. There are no exceptions. In a year, in five … If something does not work out – we say that it someone’s fault. Nobody blames himself. I had an experience. A client of 50 years old from Volgograd. Looks good, etc.
And she says: – “Galina, I’ll pay you, but find me a forty-year-old lawyer, an entrepreneur or a doctor who earns at least 70,000 euros a month,” etc.
I say her: – “Sorry … Where will I find you this one. And if I find the man of 38-40 years old who has made a career he wants children. Are you going to give birth to children at 50? Have you thought about it? “
She goes: – “Well, I’m so beautiful.”
I go: – “Do you think you are only one such a beautiful woman? And there are no more beautiful woman of 50 years? And women of 30 years old just even don’t exist at all?
And she thinks I am guilty, I’m not “professional” in her eyes. Because I did not find for 50-year-old provincial woman a 40-year-old Swiss lawyer.
Have you ever gotten complaints by women that disappointed in marriage?
Answer. Never. Sometimes, at the early stage there can be claims. But it never happens later. A man can not be forced to marry. Therefore, if he got married you can be sure that he really is ready to take the responsibility.
Although, there are professional husbands. This is a very dangerous kind of man. They know the local law, which allows men which are married within 3 years to send a woman home without any compensation. And I had such a case. the woman didn’t use my service to get married, but I was her psychologist. She got married here.
Under German law, up to 3 years of marriage a woman can get nothing and if she get divorced she must go home.And after 3 years and 1 day of marriage, she already can stay here and receive all the social benefits.
So, before 3 years this woman did not have two weeks.And the official said that it is sad, but you know this is the law. The law is uncompromising, and no one will break it. «You have to understand my situation» It will not work here.No one will do it. It’s not a good idea to bribe someone as you never will have enough money to do it here. Because here officials behave well. They are so wealthy getting their salary … they do not need any bribes. They comply with the laws. If an official was caught stealing at least once, he comes to the blacklist instantly. And everything is so well so no reason to steal if you can get good money and have a strong sleeping, staying within the country law.
Another good reason to live in Europe. I have been living here for 15 years and have never faced corruption. It is impossible to give a bribe at a household level. German doctors hate people which come with sweets or a champagne.
I had one client who did not have one document for marriage, and she was forced to go to Astrakhan to get the document.
She was deeply resented and told me: – “Galina, I thought there is everything ok here. But no one takes bribes here))»
I answer her. – “Of course, that what is meant to be ok”.
It is important that a woman chooses a right man for being his wife. There was such a case, one lady was already the fourth wife. And the man decided to send her back home and marry the fifth woman. She was 40 years old and he was 65, and his fifth wife could be 35 years old. Yes, he has a big house, a firm, but …Luckily, the circumstances for this woman were favorable and she stayed in Germany
By the way, here is another important point. 25-year-old German woman will not be with a 40-year-old man. Only Slavic women are willing to do it, and European men know about it. If you want a young wife then go to Ukraine. It flies in the ointment. And the woman has plans, hopes, she falls in love, burns all her bridges. Everything has to be done correctly at the selection stage. We always pay for everything: all the intelligence is plus, all the foolishness is minus.
To be continued…
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