Get married with a man from other country. How to get ready and what is important to know.
Our Expert is Galina Bitner-Schroeder. She is- certified Life and Business Coach, psychologist, owner of the European Elite Marriage Agency, dating and international marriage consultant.
Our question: How to prepare yourself for moving in other country? Could you share some algorithm of preparation for marriage with a foreigner and moving to his country? Step by step.
Galina: A woman should collect legal information. To take an interest in the family code, the laws on emigration, migration, what to expect in different cases. Usually it is not pleasant to think about the legal side. We do not know even our laws say nothing of another country laws. And the worst thing is that no one thinks about it.
At the same time, I recommend not to save on yourself and to ask a lawyer who works in the territory of the country, where you are going to come, what laws of the country are.
You need to find out all about the Family Code in the country where you are going to move and particularly from the lawyer. They are here. They will tell you everything in details. And then, basing on the received information to think whether you really need it.
And the next step that I recommend is just to visit the country of the man with whom you met. To look at this country and determine for yourself whether you are ready to live in it. I tell you honestly, I love Italy, Spain. Holland is 50 km from me, I often go there. I was in Denmark, France… But, for example, I would not like to live in Italy, especially, in southern Italy… This is not for me. Local mentality does not suit me. Spain too.
This is important because the next thing that a lady has to think about is “if even I will get married successfully can I adapt to the country?”. Off course, One can only do by doing But … I remember I received a letter from one woman, where she wrote: «Look, you help our women to get married with Europeans but do you know that they despise and hate us. I have been married for 15 years, and my husband does everything to make me forget homeland and so on and so on»
I say in such cases « Well, what’s the problem? If you are so unhappy with your husband get a ticket for 100 euros and fly back». Imagine, for 15 years he loves her, tolerates, and she is unhappy. And he suffers, and she is unhappy… This is what you need? I am sure that no!
Women should learn very well that the laws of divorce are always on the side of the citizens of the country. They never protect foreigners.A woman, not a woman …Does not matter. Here’s how we are used to think «I am a woman!» No. There is not such things. They always protect a man if he is a citizen.Well, or local woman if she married a foreign man. Europeans get married men of the post-Soviet space very rarely To tell the truth, our men are not so popular among foreign women.
I’ll tell you about my family do you think my husband is delighted with something Ukrainian? By no means … He doesn’t eat, vareniks, dumplings he doesn’t understand what the borscht is, salads …he says that it is impossible to eat it. This is an incorrect combination of products. That is total denying of everything. God forbid if I bring something as a gift, what is it for? … There is only one gift that he takes it’s vodka and black caviar By the way, He did not drink vodka until our acquaintance. ( laughs)
Women need to go and see the country. The woman needs to live in his country on his territory. See how he will behave himself. Because, when a man comes to her, so he is a visitor. At the subconscious level he is a guest. And when he is at home it’s different. So you need to look at the man when he is in the family and in his natural environment. How will he behave in his country and at home.
The next important point is not really listen to just emigrants.To talk that’s fine, take an interest go ahead. While the beginning you will communicate and be friends. But do not really listen to them. Because the emigrants life and life as a wife it is as they say in Odessa two large and four small differences. We have another type of problems, tasks, lifestyle, status.
Emigrants are accepted by society in a different way. Even very rich emigrants they are not really accepted in the inner circle. They tell me: «Well, for the money … everything is possible!» I will answer, as they say in Odessa “ Oh. I beg you!)) ».
This must be proved. It’s like in Balzac’s “La Comédie humaine” about the Countess de Reste. After she behaved unworthy she was not accepted in the high places. She was accepted only at the big events. And what is big events look like? It’s when everyone gets together. There are a lot of people but you can’t have personal conversation. All Western countries treat emigrants, even the richest one, like that.
And believe me, emigrants are not accepted in the inner circle, it’s for sure. The emigrant environment is an another story. And you have to filter information from them. Their life is not our life. For example, when I married a foreigner I did not know such things as: writing some official letters, looking for something for the family, thinking about payments, what to buy, how to pay because everything was done by my husband
So, it is important to come to the country, live with a man, get answers to your questions. Women will always have questions. It’s bad if there are no questions. So she lives in dreams.
Dreams and real life it’s different things. The time will come, when it will get clear!
To be continued…
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